28 August, 2000

Hi, guys, welcome to another week. I get friends sometimes telling me I have this fun job -- nothing to do but watch cricket, chat up cricketers, and such.

And in my turn, I tell them -- try it some time. Watching cricket was fun once upon a time. That was before Rediff went live, with the commentary. The trouble with doing commentary is, you are so focussed on the minutae, on where the ball landed and how it went off the seam and where the batsman's foot was in relation to the ball, and which edge of the bat he hit it with, and suchlike stuff that you don't get to sit back and delight in the beauty of good cricket.

And the trouble with chatting up cricketers -- or any sportsmen, for that matter -- is that so few of them can really talk well. You end up having to ask the same old questions to get the same old answers, because the moment you try going off the beaten track, you are greeted with blank looks.

There are, mind you, a few players in the present Indian team who are articulate. And, when allowed to shed their inhibitions (and after satisfying themselves that you are not carrying a microrecorder, video recorder or any other lethal traps) can really open out and be the life and soul of the party. But then, such times are rare -- for the most part, they are peering over their shoulders to see if someone from the BCCI is overhearing them.

Just for fun, here is a compilation of some wild quotes from sportsmen, that we chanced upon on the Net: Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann in 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Oiler coach Bum Phillips: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye!"

Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the Redskins say, "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? It was prison he went to for three years, not Princeton."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (1982)

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991)

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

On which note, we'll say adieu, stay safe and smiling. And hey, if you have a moment to spare, send me any sports/cricket-related funnies you have -- always great to be able to add to the collection.

And by the way, don't forget to check out both the cricket, and sports, sections on Rediff -- we've been busting a gut to put a pile of stories in there.

Cheers Prem

Mail Cricket Editor