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HOME | MOVIES | QUOTE MARTIAL |
December 29, 1998
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![]() 'Zakhm has to reach the people. You know, right out there where hatred is fermented'
So, you're not going to give in? No. I'm not going to give in. I am going to stand by my film. And see that it gets its due. I'm certain there are people around who stand opposed to it, but there are an equal number of people who support it. This is not optimism; I've seen evidence of that. In Delhi, I saw people, the likes of Neeraj Kumar, a CBI officer. After seeing the film, he said, "The film leaves you breathless, there is not one frame that you should cut. It's not a one-sided film". The film begins with the woman being burnt by a Muslim mob. There was a mob and the mob killed this mother, and, unfortunately for that stupid mob, they did not know that they'd burnt a Muslim woman. See, I can deal with complete fascism; then at least I know what I'm dealing with. Then I have a choice -- commit suicide, do something to throw them out or live under the regime. There are no other choices. But when you keep telling me that this is my country, that I'm a free man, when I make a simple film which is but a pale reflection of the atrocities that actually happened, why are you raising these obstacles? It is a Hindi film. If you were to even dare develop a film from the real-life accounts of what actually happened, the accounts that we've heard, how would they even think of passing that? The actions of the authorities, the executive, whatever they do with my film, is their real face. What they say and what they do are two different things. You said earlier that on the one hand this film was something dying to be made but on the other hand difficult to make... It's not always easy to confess to one's deeply-felt emotions. You don't like to face them. You don't feel comfortable. The attempt is to escape from that. So I say it was a film that was dying to be made. The riots only triggered it off. I asked myself, "Who am I? If I were caught up in a riot, what the hell would I do? I mean I am absolutely apolitical, I'm not ritualistic, I don't believe in any divine force. But the fact is that I have an upbringing, my consciousness is a mixed consciousness. What am I to do? That really put the mirror to my face. That's when it started fermenting in me. It took some while getting down to doing it. I would talk about it to escape from it. You'd find me making excuses saying that I felt I didn't have that poise in film direction, I had to turn to writing. But, then I realised I just had to make this film. I have to leave with this film behind me. For me it was a complete purge. Also an effort to reconcile myself to my mother's death. She was intensely a part of my consciousness. It was a physical feeling; it was like fire in my belly. That's it, this is the way it is. You mentioned that a lot of prejudices spring from our childhood... Yes. For example, vivid memories come to me from the time when I was in Don Bosco high school in Matunga. It's run by Christian missionaries. We used to have lunch together. One day I found that my Hindu friends who were sitting down next to me suddenly moved away and went to another table. Only the Parsee boys continued sitting there. My Hindu friends had come to know that my mother was a Muslim. So I've felt this isolation as a child. I can understand that they perceived me as the son of a Muslim woman, who is the mistress of a Brahmin film-maker. That was perhaps what the perception was. But the biases that were there were more religious. And, all this was happening right under the nose of Jesus Christ (laughs). I got this feeling of being ostracised. I felt it very deeply. Zakhm shows a lot of anger but no bitterness towards the father. Any comments? I can see my father as a person who dared to live my mother and be dedicated to her all her life. He may not have given her what may be perceived by the world as a very fair deal, but I think they were fair people. They found their own balance. And she never, never played the card of a suffering woman. She never used her status of being a lone woman to reap emotional dividends. In fact, whenever we aired our anger against our father, she would say, "Don't talk about my man. Don't talk about him". It was frightening, this kind of love story -- it was unimaginable. One of my angers with her was that I could never be to her what my father was. What about the rest of your family? The family? I knew that my father had another house and they had nothing to do with us. They were different people. So, in a way I'm a little frightened by the orthodox Gujarati set-up. There is this fear. Ironically, I'm more comfortable with the Maharashtrians of Shivaji Park. Because they are babus, clerks, teachers and all that. I was comfortable there. My father was a Nagar Brahmin. And my mother, while bathing me used to mutter, "You're the son of a Nagar Brahmin, your father's Gotra. You're a Bhargava Gotra!' It's all drilled into my head. But, I felt uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable in the mandir because of what it had meant to me, being kept out.
Is that why we don't like to talk of a lot of things? I remember in 1992 when it all started I was in Delhi at the film festival. With Zakhm, what do you hope for? 'The power for genocide came from the silent approval of the majority'
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