PERSONALITY
FASHION
SPECIAL
COLUMNISTS
CHAT JOCKEYS
ARCHIVES

"I can't stand it any more. I can't bear to look into the mirror and see the fat caricature that stares back at me. I'm so desperate, I don't even care about the harm I'm doing to myself. I've been taunted and pushed around only because I'm fat. Beauty, they say, lies in the eye of the beholder. I don't know if that's true any more. All the beholder wishes to see are the svelte images that cover the pages of my magazine."

All through her tirade, I remained helpless. How could I condone something that I knew was true? So I shifted uneasily in my chair, pretending it was no big deal after all. Sure, the desire to look perfect, the need to fit in with society, has always been around. But, as I listened to my heavily overweight friend, I could not help but wonder where the problem actually began.

Do you feel it? The pressure of having to fit into some sort of societal mould? I do. I've always admired people with good, toned bodies, wishing I was them. While, at the same time, wondering when I started losing pride in my 'self'.

I think that happens because it's difficult to pride oneself on the things that lie deep inside. After all, I want to make an impression… I want to be noticed but, most of all, I want to feel good about myself. And this, I've come to realise, has a lot to do with the image I want to portray.

Image affects every one of us. It has crept its way into our professions, our homes and, now, even our minds. Who wouldn't appreciate the thought of a good-looking man or woman walking by your side? Which one of us doesn't want to be good-looking? Image, whether we like or not, has impact. And the pressure of the stereotype has taken precedence over all other priorities that form the base of our attitude towards others.

Sometime back, I visited a popular Bombay discotheque. As soon as I walked in, I was overcome with the notion that I had no right to be there. Something seemed… well, quite not right. Could it have been that everyone was sporting the latest designer clothes? On second thoughts, maybe not. It was more that every single person I laid my eyes on was very much 'in shape'.

"So what?" I chided myself, "people like to be healthy nowadays." But there was that gut feeling again; something that told me I was the only one there who was not in shape. I did some asking around. Only to realise, rather dampeningly, that those who are unable to keep up with the trends, those who feel badly about the way they look, tend to keep away from social hangouts.

Somewhere along the way, something has gone wrong with our attitude, our lifestyle, our beliefs and values. Today, the focus has settled so strongly about the way one looks that it has makes one wonder -- are looks a precondition to being accepted, to being wanted? If it is, then this is one trend that has crossed its designated limits.

"Health is good thing. Exercise is a necessity. Being slim, or wanting to be slim, is no sin. We faced a similar pressure when we were young," admits Mrs Valdeiro, a housewife in her mid fifties. "But people, in those days, were comparatively simple. We were not ostracised if we did not follow the latest styles or keep ourselves trim. My daughter is beautiful, but her worry about the way she looks consumes her. Though she is thin, she still runs to the gym and insists on dieting. As a result, she's already anaemic. I am afraid for her, but the whole situation is out of my hands."

Michelle Valdeiro, who is in her final year at St Xavier's College, Bombay, counters, "It's not that I am obsessed with my weight, but I like being 'in' with the rest of the kids. Everyone in my clique is fit, we are a good-looking crowd. I would feel out of place if I got out of shape now. I only feel good about myself when I know I am skinny and can wear what I want to show off my assets."

While acceptance plays an important role with the younger crowd, attitudes differ. "I have never considered myself to be a looker, so the emphasis is not acceptance," says Linette. Linette has been going to the gym for the past three weeks and has been on a strict diet programme. "For a person who has not been fat the entire time, it's difficult to deal with the weight one puts on. Somewhere, between my conscious and sub-conscious mind, I am aware that I am overweight. I don't like the idea of not being able to fit into my clothes and you don't feel good about yourself when you are overweight. Every time I lose a few hundred grams, I am more enthused to continue with my diet and exercise; it builds my confidence to some extent. It's a personal thing, though. I don't believe looks are a yardstick. "

However, the tendency to link self-esteem to the way one looks and how one is accepted in society is increasing among the present generation. "How can everyone say it's what's inside that counts, when no one knows or wants to see what the person is about," complains a disgruntled 24-year-old Anjali Mathur, who is into events management. "Today's society moves fast. First impressions count. Let me walk beside a tall, good-looking, trim woman and no one will even know I'm there. I may have a lot more to offer but I will still go unnoticed. Besides, nowadays, nobody takes time to find out what's within."

The pressure is not restricted to the younger generation. One woman who is heavily overweight constantly faces the fear that her husband is going to leave her for a younger, slimmer girl. "He often tells me I am too fat. He loves watching fashion shows and is always complimenting those women. I have let loose ever since I got married; now, it is difficult to get rid of all that fat. Yet, I have a feeling that if I don't do just that, my marriage will end."

The nexus between losing weight and looking good even influences parents. My cousin, who is not yet nine years old, has to face constant criticism from her mother about her weight. Even at the tender ages of eight and nine, kids are conscious about their weight, the way they look and the clothes they wear.

Becoming slim, though, requires more than just a desire. It requires determination, energy and lots of money. Yet, after months of trial and error, people are lured by magic cures or machines that promise the end product. Eventually, they join a gym; only, equipment doesn't come cheap so gyms are an expensive business.

According to Henry Furtado, a fitness instructor at a suburban Bombay gym, "For those who can afford, a gym is fine. But, very often, people scrimp on their earnings so that they can join a gym. In fact, our gyms are fast getting overcrowded. There is no place to accommodate the people. And, any place that is cheaper than the rest, is also the one that is most crowded."

As someone who's always been into keeping fit, Henry feels there is a definite change in attitude. "It's one thing to want to be fit. Fitness is for health. Today, though, the emphasis is more on looking good than just losing weight. This diminishes the entire essence of keeping fit. There is more to being fit then just exercise -- you have to consider the case history, nutrition factor, etc. I get really obese girls and boys coming to me either aiming at unrealisitic weight losses or because they want to look like a particular model. Finally, they leave the gym in frustration because they cannot achieve what they want to."

For the younger generation, though, it is the right size and shape that will determine your entry into the right circle of friends, if people will take a liking to you, if you will be an achiever or not. For the older ones, it's all about confidence.

Migneon, an airhostess, is naturally slim and does not have any problem being accepted. Her problem stems from the fact that she cannot stand fat people. "It's not that I hate fat people," she says, "but find myself automatically staying away from them. I think they have an uneasy aura about them. I wouldn't want to be seen with a fat person. And, I don't think fat is uncontrollable."

The fear of obesity could be even more threatening to an individual's mind. Perhaps, there are many people who think on the same lines as Migneon, maybe that's the reason why you don't find many fat people at the disco. Maybe, on a sub-conscious level, we have the same prejudice. But obesity might not always be a failure of will or behavior or a disorder of body weight regulation. In some cases, it is a chronic medical condition, like hypertension or diabetes.

It's not just obesity that draws rude personal comments or insecure feelings. Just being out of shape, irrespective of how your body is built, often determines how one feels about oneself.

The thing with a prevalent attitude like this is that you don't know where to draw the line. While some may keep with in the limits of keeping a healthy diet and exercising, other aren't so lucky.

"If I gain a few pounds, I hate to leave the house and let people see me," says Nisha Shiruli. She has just completed college but still shudders at the memory. "I have always been on the fat side. But, once I joined college, I succumbed to peer pressure -- I was always worried about eating too much." Nisha first cut all fats from her food. Then, she started skipping meals. Today, the very sight of food makes her sick.

"It is a common complaint," says Dr Rajesh Parekh, a nutrition and dietetics specialist who runs six slimming clinics in Bombay. "The rate of anorexic and bulimic patients also on the increase." Yet, anorexia isn't as prevalent in India as bulimia.

He narrates a case history of a child who was repeatedly failing at school. After much digging around, they found that she was constantly taunted about her weight at school. This stressed her out to the extent that it affected her studies.

Very often, people use food as an emotional crutch. The effect, however, is disastrous. "People should realise that, by skipping meals, you are interfering with your body," say Dr V S Prabhu, a practising physician. "Skipping meals not only lowers your resistance and leaves you open to disease, it also leads to other malnutrition problems."

The desire to be thin, however, seems to limit itself to certain classes of society. Dr Parekh, though, begs to differ, "So far, anorexics have mostly come from the middle or affluent class. But recent findings show that there is an increased awareness about weight in all strata of society. And it is the media's increased emphasis on a slim, fit body that pressurises people. Add to that the pressures from families and peer groups, and you have eight and 10 year olds worrying about their weight. Also, girls tend to worry more about their weight than boys."

A scenario that is quickly beginning to change, what with magazines like Gladrags and contests like the Adonis Man of the Year turning the spotlight on the male. This obsession is the one common factor between the two sexes. My friends detests fat on himself and in other people. If he puts on even a gram, his self-esteem hits an all-time low. What's worse, he nags his girlfriend about her weight in trying to deal with his own. A sad attitude, but a common one. It is a vicious circle that adversely affects both individuals.

Sunil, a 22-year-old, is becoming increasingly conscious about his weight, "It doesn't look nice to have a paunch. I have been dieting for the past two months because I want to remain slim." He claims he is not looks-conscious, but admits, "I would like my girlfriend to be slim." The attitude is a pointer towards the pressure on women to remain slim. Guys, who are not conscious about how overweight they are, do not extend the empathy to their girlfriends.

"I find it extremely stressful to keep up with my boyfriend's expectations," says Aneeta Quadros, who seems slim and svelte to me. Yet, she's constantly worrying about putting on weight. "My boyfriend threatens to leave me if I put on weight. He says he doesn't want a fat woman."

Now, that attitude is backfiring. Women who are slim expect a man to match. "I'd feel awful about having a flabby guy when I'm so slim. And I think he would be equally embarrassed," says Reema Mulchandani, a part-time model. "Since I spend so much of time and energy on looking good, I expect my man to do the same." Once again, this trend is prevalent only in the upper affluent and upper middle classes of society.

Suresh Parab, a successful, middle-aged gentlemen, has similar weight problems. "I check my weight every day. And I try to maintain a diet, but it's not easy. "

But is fat natural? "Well, fat could be hereditary. But, in most cases, it can be controlled. The thing is, today, even a plump girl considers herself to be fat. The problem lies in her attitude. Because, as long as she is healthy, she need not worry," says Dr Parekh. "I don't recommend strenuous exercise, but I would advise a diet that has something of everything and a 15 minutes of exercise with counselling."

I wonder, do we really need all this extra stress? It's cool to accept yourself and work with what you have… inside and out. It's cool to be who you are. It's uncool to try and be someone or something you are not. It's time to stop the pretence and say, "This is me. And I'm here to stay."

Some names have been changed to protect the identities of the persons concerned.

Headline montage: Rajesh Karkera
Illustration: Laura Fernandes

Tell us what you think of this article