South Africa on road to recovery

Twelve things that happened after South Africa lost to Sri Lanka

1.  Japanese and Taiwanese economy surged due to millions of export orders for calculators to South Africa. The orders have been so huge that the Japanese government has requested its citizens to surrender their calculators.

2. South African selection committee (cricket) has announced that all future selections will include a compulsory mathematics test for the players. Existing players can go for tuition and the board will bear the expenses. Shaun Pollock has opted to take the test from Sri Lanka (Jayasuriya has promised to help him).

3. In order to help the players in similar situations in future, the South African government has announced that its national bird will be 'Duck' and that it will appear in one corner of its flag.

4. Duckworth & Lewis have announced that they are coming with "DW – L" version 2. Apart from rain, version 2 will take care of match-fixing, umpire errors and forfeits. They said that version 2 is as simple as version 1.

5. Shaun Pollock and Mark Boucher have taken a vow that they will never eat their favourite dish 'DUCK RICE' again in their life.

6. Lance Klusener, being tired of loosing crucial games in peculiar ways, has decided to quit cricket. He has enrolled for his Ph.D. His topic: 'How to LOOSE the World Cup'.

7. Allan Donald, fearing a backlash from fans, has decided to change his name to Allan Micky.

8. Zimbabwe president Mr. Robert Mugabe has declared that if Zimbabwe loses in the same fashion as South Africa he will have Duckworth & Lewis arrested. Further, he will replace all ducks in his country with hens.

9. South African players, in future will carry mobile phones with them to the field. In the event of  'DW - L' situation they can communicate with each other through SMS, MMS, VOICE & E-MAIL. The South African cricket board president should be copied of all messages.

10. England captain Nasser Hussain said that South Africa and England have lost matches in cruel ways but in similar fashion. He said: "They were done by the 'DUCK' and we 'DUCKed' under pressure." Both Hussain and Flemming announced that if they loose under the 'DW - L' system they will forfeit those matches.

11. India captain Ganguly has reacted angrily to Barry Richards's column. He said that Barry is indirectly making fun of his form by again and again mentioning the word 'Duck'. He promised the Indian fans that he will never read Barry Richards column again.

12. Herschelle Gibbs reiterated that Hansie Cronje was always better than Shaun Pollock in mathematics. He said Hansie was very good in numbers particularly when the range is over millions.